The Painful Truth

Recently my sister came into town with her absolutely beautiful daughters, Selah and Eliora. These girls are so gorgeous and could not be more perfect. Over and over as I spent time with them in the mornings, rolling around on the living room floor, pinching their bellies, making them giggle, kissing their heads, and playing all kinds of fun tickle games, it made me think of our little one that is not home just yet.

It made me think about how Lindsay and I have so much love and affection we want to give and we simply just can’t yet.

I heard a statistic recently that made this known fear all the more reality once again. Lindsay and I have thought about it a lot. This statistic is horrible for us for many reasons, mainly because we are control freaks and we literally cannot do one thing about it. This statistic is a simplified sentence that will be the reason for so many of the physical, verbal, and educational developmental delays our beautiful child will have to go through.

More than 80% of your child’s brain growth is completed by age 3, and important factors that mold and shape this growth are daily experiences, parent responsiveness, nutrition, physical activity, genetics, and love. (1)

This. Really. Hurts. Lindsay and I have had first-hand experiences of children in orphanages that do not have positive daily experiences, parent responsiveness, nutrition, physical activity, or love. We’ve seen children that were well outside of appropriate crib age still being confined to a crib because the orphanage simply didn’t have enough workers to take them out, so instead they are unable to properly use their legs. We know that our child is most likely alive right now in a conflict-torn country, and not receiving the parental responsiveness that will cause him/her to thrive. We know that he/she is most likely not getting proper nutrition or physical activity, nor the love that he/she so desperately deserves and needs.

Blogger Natalie Gwyn worded it so well when she said…

[A] radio announcer was encouraging parents to begin reading to their children at a young age. He spoke of how those early years are so critical in the formation of who our children will become. I wanted to cry. I was not a part of those formative years in my children’s life. I felt like the radio announcer was telling me that someone else gets to determine 80% of who my children will become.

All we can do at this point is pray. Pray that the orphanage our child is in is not like the norm. Pray that our child is receiving a kind of love that is uncommon to the orphanages we’ve seen in the past. Pray that the time it takes to get our little one is so inconceivably short. Pray that these incredibly crucial years of our child’s life is something that is as beautiful as can be given the circumstances. And most importantly lean on the understanding that His timing is perfect.


1 – First 5 California

Read our adoption story and why we felt God calling us to adopt.

Check out other blog posts about Lindsay’s ministry and our adoption.

Read Lindsay’s testimony and learn about her work with World Orphans.

We were able to adopt debt free thanks to the help of this resource.